I ask you now to imagine the feelings a traveler must have as she approaches the edge of The Forest. The thoughts and fears that she must feel about heading into the unknown that towers before her like a wall of wood and leaves.
Wondering to herself if she's made the right choice, she'd turn back, unsure of herself, and look behind her. The familiar paths that she's taken so many times beckon for her ardently and the worn out trails her feet are used to seem like the easier roads to take. She'd look around and see the spreading crimson sunlight shining on everything. She'd turn around to the forest and walk to one of the massive trees that is staring her down like a mighty sentinal.
The Forest is big and cold. The wild unknown that is sure to lie deep in thoes woods excite and numb her at the same time. Her spirit soars, urging her to go forth and move on. Her mind begs for her to turn back away from the unknown...back into the warm sunlight. The trees and plants meld into a dark labyrith. The sounds of the forest would hit her deep into her core, shaking her to the bone. The winds that blow across the grass are gentle but the trees sway and threaten to break up high and the leaves seem to whisper to her as they move about in the breeze.
She has come to the point where now she must make the decision.
I am that woman. I can no longer walk through land I can see and now must take the first step into the vast unknown. The Forest looms before me and everything about it seems to instill a deep gutwrenching fear inside every fiber of my being.
I hate change. Im a person who is comfortable with the familiar. I have routines. I make lists. I am schedualed. I was a traveler who took only the paths I knew...never to step away from them. Well, recently that didn't work out too well for me. I need now, to embrace the pain I felt when my life was turned upside down from one person, and learn from it. Not let it keep bringing me down, drowning me.
I'm not the type to shut painful events that happened in my life out. Im a person of nostaliga...my goal being to learn from all that is happened and to not repeat it. That is why I can not cut people out of my life. That is why...no matter how smart at times the decision is for me to banish them from my life...I will never do it. I want to adapt. I want to be okay with things changing. I want to be able to be the person who can be okay with the unkown. I want to live more vulnerably and less 'bubble-boy'...or girl in this situation.
I'm so very tired of being afraid of that god damned Forest. I am strong. The heavy chains-my fear of the unknown-need to be broken.
I stand now, facing The Forest, waiting to begin my journey. I'm ready and hoping that this will take me to new places inside myself.
And as I start this adventure I smile. The memorys of the past...and the actions-I'll keep them with me always. Not vauge, however, but forthright. I will remember what I did...I will cherish was I was told...and I will lock away in my heart forever the feelings I held. They will never escape.
My friends will stand by me and help to clear some of the struggles on my new path. Im sure the one I once desired as a lover will support me for he is now a dearly beloved friend. My family will keep me strong and stable.
I remember a poem from Tolkien. One which I often recited but never took to heart until now.
Still 'round the corner there may wait,
A new road or secret gate.
And though i've often passed them by,
A day will come at last when I;
Shall take the hidden paths that run:
West of the moon, East of the sun.
I walk now into The Forest.
(I would like to cite and thank Raven from Raven's Rants, who wrote "The
Black Forest" which gave me the inspiration for this post His website http://www.ravensrants.com/)
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